On making the private, public

The unnecessary disclaimer

I love writing for myself. I could journal all day. The stream and consciousness and freedom I feel is comforting and intimate. It's just us, me and my lover- me.

But when I try to translate this to writing for others, I struggle. There's too much space and time for me to say anything. And being the extra person I am, I find myself in rabbit holes of research and changing and updating and never being happy with it. This makes it (writing) hard! I like being limited to a page and working within the confines of paint. All of that to say that I would like to be better about documenting my process for an audience. Transparency in my creative work is important to me. So hopefully my sharing is also valuable for you.

On the show

Anyways, I dream of fishes is being promoted as an untitled show around black folktales and storytelling. At first I had mixed feelings about removing the name. But this is what the show is and removing the name removes the exclusively fish idea from peoples heads although I think it would have given an example of what I was imagining. We'll see if I even keep that name though.

Today I was described as timid in relation to my work on the show. This feels like a challenge.

I am aware that I presented myself to this person as very green and needing to build confidence. Saying things like "I'm just building myself up to reaching out to the artists." But in fairness, reaching out to folks whom I've admired for years is scary! And just because I may have presented myself as such, doesn't mean I'd like to be seen as such.

I am bold, creative, passionate, and particular. I AM BOLD, CREATIVE, PASSIONATE, AND PARTICULAR.

I am also having this same perception problem in my day job. I've been told that I'm not commanding enough. I just haven't been in a space where I felt it was necessary to be.

The one where she manifests

In curating this show, I desire to bring the community together in new and unique ways. How do I activate a space from your living room?

I want to have a beautiful virtual gallery experience -> the likes of which I have not seen an ideal example of yet. I want to spark conversations and ignite memories from personal histories. I want to create a home and not an empire. A space of refuge, not a place of conquering. This is not about Alyssa and her vision for herself, but the community and a vision into our past.

I read a zine that inspired me

Today I worked through the "Experiments in Joy Workbook" by the Feminist Center for Creative Works. I am also a slow student of design thinking. It put my in mind of these questions:

• How might we encourage folks to tap into their blood memory?

• How might we engage with folks not in my physical and interpersonal spaces?

• How might we bring out the black community to an art space in a meaningful way?

• How might the gallery space protect from or help heal the trauma that tapping into memories my cause?

Closing paragraphs are for suckers